If We Can't Laugh at Ourselves Occasionally ... Updated
One of my good Canadian (Alberta) blogging buddies, Madcap, received the following in her email. Update: (I had to look it up but the Lawrence Welk accordionist was Myron Floren. I remembered his first name but not his last.) Keep it in mind if you sneak across the border.
(from The Manitoba Herald)
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the
exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry
Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does
one country need?"
COMMENTS:
(from The Manitoba Herald)
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the
exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry
Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does
one country need?"
COMMENTS:
posted by Granny @ 10/11/2007 10:50:00 PM
Hilarious! I needed a good laugh. Um, how about us old Progressives that want to move to Canada? Can we pretend we're going for the cheaper prescription drugs, then stay illegally, remaining under Immigration's radar? Can we have our SS checks sent there or cashed there?
Thursday, October 11, 2007 11:48:00 PM
The Future Was Yesterday said...
Somebody said (I can't remember), "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. You might be missing out on the joke of a lifetime!"
Friday, October 12, 2007 3:59:00 AM
betmo said...
that- had to be written by a liberal :) hee hee.
Friday, October 12, 2007 9:15:00 AM
Scarlet Witch said...
Couldn't Canada use a Runic Literature major, though?
Friday, October 12, 2007 4:29:00 PM
Granny said...
The accordion player? I think it was Myron somebody. I'd have to look it up.I'm solid on Perry and Rosie though.
Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:02:00 AM