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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Would You Want Your Daughter To Marry ...(One)?

See my post below, "Peace, Sharing, Respecting Differences".

Sometimes people who fondly imagine that they harbor no prejudices find to their dismay that they actually do. A common remark made regarding prejudices and preconceived perceptions of people who are different is, "Yes, but would you want your daughter to marry one?"

This question is often asked regarding persons of a different race but can apply to anyone who is different in some manner from "us" - our personal peer group.

How many of you have seen the movie, "Tim", starring Mel Gibson and Piper Laurie (a very young Mel Gibson). If you haven't, I recommend it. It is a tender and moving love story about a middle aged, professional woman who marries a very child like, somewhat retarded young man. Many of you have seen Tom Hanks in his movie, "Forrest Gump", a mentally slow young man and the love he bore for his Jennie. I recommend it also for insight into the intellectually impaired. Not everyone is an intellectual giant and even the mentally slow have all the human feelings and emotional capabilities of the rest of humanity. They are people, too, just a little different.

Being tolerant of and respecting those differences - would you want your daughter to marry a mentally slow man?

Imagine a man who is often referred to as a Forrest Gump, or that "his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top". He is mentally slow in many respects. However, he had sufficient intellectual and educational abilities to pass tests for and obtain a commercial or chauffeur's driving license to drive a city Metro bus and to memorize the city streets perfectly ; he gives the best directions to get about town that I ever heard. He is almost obsessive about maintaining responsibility, including financial responsibility. He pays bills on time, eschews careless debt, and thinks he is broke if his bank account gets below $500.00. He must be seriously ill to miss a day of work and shows up for work an hour early every day. He has perfect credit rating and drives an expensive, late model pickup truck. He is a supervisor's dream and is loved and respected by his co-workers.

He is also a housewife's dream. His fiancee (now wife) cooks when she gets home from work and he cleans the kitchen afterwards, immaculately, I might add. All appliances, cabinets and floors are spotless. He vacuums the carpets every day and picks up any disordered items. If his wife is too tired to cook or simply doesn't feel like it, he amiably orders in or takes the family out to eat. He is caring and soliticious of her and helps her in every way he can.

He is gentle, loving, slow to anger and very patient. He is loyal, trustworthy, and devoted to family and friends. On the downside, he is not mechanically minded and his 8 year old stepson sometimes has to tell him how to do things. Mechanics and electronics are a mystery to him. A childhood friend comes over to perform the necessary "honey-do" jobs about the apartment. He remains very close friends with most of his old high school classmates who are obviously quite fond of him.

In some ways he is child-like and romps and plays with children like another child. He is patient with and tolerant of children's misbehavior that usually drives other adults up the wall. He is loving and demonstrative in his affection towards children.

He is indeed mentally slow; not quite a Tim nor Forrest Gump, but is slow. He does not understand the responsibiities and duties of a husband and step-father but accepts them immediately when they are explained to him. He is learning and eager to do the right things. Everyone accepts the fact that he is slow but he is loved and respected by all. That speaks much for his character.

One of my grand daughters married this man. She said that she knew he was slow but he was kind and gentle to her and her two little ones, very good to them, responsible and dutiful, was very loving to them and she had grown to love and admire him very much. She said "even slow people can love deeply and they need love just as much as everyone else does." After a previous disasterous marriage with an abusive, irresponsible man, she appreciates her new husband's better qualities. Superior character took priority over superior intellect. She knows that they will never be wealthy but between the two of them they earn a good living. Some things are more important than a high income. She and the children are happy.

Knowing the miserable, hellish life my grand daughter and great grandchildren suffered in her previous marriage to a bright man of low character, I am very happy for her and the children in the present relationship. And yes, I wanted my (grand) daughter to marry one.

COMMENTS:

David Cho said...
Wow, a beautiful post, Worried. Thank you.
Sunday, April 22, 2007 12:54:00 AM
Daniel said...
Hey, Worried, I tips me' hat to you! If all the people in the world were like you, it would be a wonderful place.Peace!
Sunday, April 22, 2007 3:04:00 AM
Granny said...
Beautiful.
Sunday, April 22, 2007 7:16:00 AM
Nvisiblewmn said...
The book by Colleen McCullough is even better than the movie (which was quite good).
Sunday, April 22, 2007 5:24:00 PM
betmo said...

that was a loving and insightful post. we should all take a lesson to not judge a book by its cover- but really open up and read its pages. sounds like your family did. good for your granddaughter to have the courage to marry 'one of them.'

Monday, April 23, 2007 6:58:00 AM


Worried said...
Thank YOU, ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate your comments.
Sunday, April 22, 2007 3:54:00 AM

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