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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Super Tuesday - from The Onion

WA:This from The Onion - You know how to take it. :-) ................................................................................................

Election Process: Super Tuesday

The Election: How It Works

The selection of the American president involves several important events, institutions, and activities. Throughout the campaign, the Onion's War For The White House team will explain the history and significance of this important process.

Election Process: Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday Map

The History

  • Historically, Super Tuesday falls on a Friday.
  • As always, Super Tuesday will fall the day after Overhyped Build-Up Monday and the day before Giant Letdown Wednesday, which precedes Remember All That Stuff Last Tuesday? Thursday.
  • Super Tuesday was upgraded to Super-Duper Tuesday in 2008 when a number of state governments decided to pay only 39 cents more.
  • While originally only eight states were scheduled to hold their primaries on Super Tuesday, everyone agreed that didn't seem quite super enough, so they threw in an extra few shitty states.
  • New Hampshire came under fire in 2004 for trying to sneak in a second primary amidst the Super Tuesday hoopla.

The Size

  • This Super Tuesday is supposed to be the largest to date, with an astounding 57 states holding primaries and an additional 39 holding caucuses.
  • Some critics see the primacy of the Super Tuesday primaries as a negative influence on the electoral process, saying that as Super Tuesday has grown, it has drawn disproportionate influence away from the only two relevant states in the nation, New Hampshire and Iowa.
  • Because of the Writers Guild Strike, instead of the raucous ceremony that usually accompanies Super Tuesday, representatives from each state will calmly walk up to the podium, announce their state's victor, and then quietly sit back down.
  • In Alaska Super Tuesday coincides with Hey, What About Alaska? Day.
  • Hillary Clinton shocked the political world by calling first dibs and no backsies on all 24 Super Tuesday states, the first time this has been attempted since William Howard Taft tried it in 1912.
  • The consolidating effect of Super Tuesday allows everyone to get the whole presidential election process over and done with in time for Valentine's Day.

The Impact

  • Depending on the outcome of Super Tuesday, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg will either announce that he's running for president as a third-party candidate or that he's passing a law requiring all New Yorkers to get mandatory monthly cholesterol checks.
  • Gives disproportionate advantage to candidates able to canvass 28 states simultaneously.
  • On this Super Tuesday, it is conceivable that a lady might win.

Election Process: South Carolina

South Carolina

Throughout its history, South Carolina has been a critical state during elections, with at least one candidate involved in its primaries going on to win the presidency. This year, three Democratic candidates will fiercely compete for the state’s 54 delegates, while Joe Biden stands around and watches. Race will likely play a key role in this primary: Over 50% of South Carolina voters are African-American, giving a considerable advantage to Hillary Clinton and the black half of Barack Obama. On the other hand, 0.0% of the voters are Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islanders, slightly worsening Dennis Kucinich’s chances. Although Hillary and Obama remain the favorites, experts point out that nearly 75% of South Carolina citizens are cousins of John Edwards.

While South Carolina is known for its racist legacy of slavery and segregation, history indicates that wrapping one’s naked body in an oversize Confederate flag during all public appearances does not necessarily ensure victory, as John Kerry finished second with just 30% of the vote in 2004.

More About South Carolina

  • For a short time after the Civil War, African-Americans residing in South Carolina were allowed only 3/5ths of a vote in general elections, 3/10ths of a vote in primaries, and 3/20ths of a campaign button
  • Historically, most South Carolina citizens remain undecided until the day of the primary, at which point they vote for candidate with the least-foreign sounding name.

Depressed Candidate Runs Attack Ad About Self
Click on photo in brief to access full article

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
This video is a re-run but still pertinent.



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